The Big + pt. 2 (links) October 29, 2009

O.K, so I’m FINALLY posting the second part on this subject… although those who didn’t know I even had a second part probably didn’t notice… hmm…

First, visit the websites of Project Hopeful, Ahope, and the some of the sites listed here. Go ahead, do it. Read There Is No Me Without You (((older readers))). Research HIV.

Did you do it? Now consider what you have read: HIV is not so easily transmitted nor so “scary” as you might have thought. Now consider this: even if it was, that would be no excuse for God’s people to neglect His call to care for the “least of these.” Isn’t His carrying our disease and conquering us with His love enough to compel us to us to carry them- their sickness and their souls- before His throne? Isn’t it enough to inspire us to show them that love? Do we believe that the love of Christ is enough? Do we believe it will reach even them? “‘Love never fails’- is love failing now?” (Amy Carmichael)

Cookies & Candies & Snacks, Oh My! December 20, 2008

here are some pictures of the Christmas cookie decorating which went on at our house this morning:

Annie cutting out cookies

Sarah cookie-cutting

Mercy taking a short break from her cookies in order to insure that she looked good in the picture

When the ‘kids’ are older, cookie decorating gets way more precise. Especially if one is an artist. This is Jake decorating a cookie using a toothpick.

Sarah re-filling the icing gun

Hannah with her precision cookie decorating tools

We have been in the kitchen for 2 days! We took the little green island table out of the kitchen & replaced it temporarily with a 8-foot folding table to better fit our needs.

So Far (for Memaw & Papaws) we have:

christmas frosted cookies; ‘reindeer’ cookies; peanut butter cookies; ‘haystacks’ candy; hershey’s chunk cookies; toffee; about 5 gallons of chex mix; ‘people chow’ (desert chex mix); peanut butter chunk cookies; turtle candies; loaded chocolate-chip cookies;  sausage balls; cheese straws; chocolate suprise cookies (caremel filled!); pecan shortbread cookies, and more!

Gates December 12, 2008

There are so many gates between us and our adoption dreams. So many great, strong, relentless gates. Like great blundering fools, we keep trying to climb over all those gates— but we can’t. They’re great, tall gates & there is nothing to grip as we climb- we get a bit of the ways up, then slid back down lower (farther for our goal) than we even were before. We CAN’T get over even the first gate. So we think, humm, lets go underneath. We flatten ourselves like a pancake but we can’t get under; there is not a hairsbreadth between the bottom of the gate & the ground. Humm… willpower, will power will do it- but it won’t work, we are held back just like before. Finally we gather all together, we aim to test our combined strength against that of this first gate- there are, after all, twelve of us. We push and we heave until one by one we are exausted & lie panting on the ground, no more likely to overcome that gate than to drink all the water in the ocean. We begin to cry. Nothing will work. We were foolish. It can’t be done. No, no, we cannot do it.It is well for us, well for our adoption dreams, that we serve the God who holds the keys to every one of those gates. It is well that we can trust him to open those gates when— and if— he sees fit.

So that is where we were, must like we were in March when I wrote this:

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Lately, Mercy has been learning the meaning of the word “Wait”- and it’s high time. She used to tell you she wants something, and if you didn’t respond immediately she would repeat that she WANTS something. We knew we had to ‘nip this is in the bud’, but it wasn’t until a little later that we decided to teach her about “wait”. She started repeating a request 72 million times at a speed that would make a NASCAR driver dizzy until the required object is in her hand (example: Mercy is ready for bed and has an urge to have a goodnight drink of milk from her bottle. She cries out “Mo-Mo wan’ da’ ba-ba, wan’ da’ ba-ba, wan’ da’ ba-ba, PEEEEEASE, Mo-Mo wan’ da’ ba-ba, wan’ da’ ba-ba…”). It is mostly at these times that we say the new word- and usually she is quiet and patient for a few minutes after being told to wait. Of course, there are times when she needs more correction than one simple word (these times are most frequent at the grocery store, during Church or at some other dreadfully inconvenient place).

The theme of waiting has been very common around here- waiting for documents to come, waiting to hear back from the grant organisation, waiting for “The Call” which we don’t know when to expect…

So what do you do when you are told to “wait”? I find I am prone, like Mercy, to call out my request in a louder, more I’m-seriously-about-to-throw-a-huge-fit voice. I think “the only reason there could be that God has not answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to, when I wanted Him to is that He didn’t hear me, or, He didn’t think I was serious.” So I go into bratty two-year-old mode and I say “Do what I want, and do it RIGHT NOW“- but I find that it doesn’t work. It seems to work out way better to just be quiet- then, I can hear Him when He tells me:

May I wait, that it may be true of me “I waited patiently for the LORD, and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”"…For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Then shall you call on me, and you shall go and pray to me, and I will hearken to you. And you shall seek me, and find me, when you search for me with all your heart…”

It might be seventy years, but He will not forget us (even when it seems like He has).

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee on the palms of my hands, thy walks are continuously before me…”

“Sing, o heavens; and be joyful, o earth; and break forth into singing, o mountains; for the Lord has comforted His people, and will have mercy upon His afflicted.

But Zion said, ‘the LORD hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee on the palms of my hands, thy walks are continuously before me…”

May I wait, that it may be true of me “I waited patiently for the LORD, and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”

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And that is where we are right now. As of yet God has not closed what gates are open & right now we are just waiting, waiting for Him to unlock all those gates & set us free to run, run until we hold our little ones in our arms. It seems to me that he is saying, didn’t you hear my call? Did you not say you would follow? Will you not sacrifice to gain what I have planned for you?

Will we not sacrifice? Will I not sacrifice? When I said I would follow to where ever, what did I mean by that? What were my conditions? Where did I think “where ever you lead” ended?

All of this and more is surging through my heart. We can’t always have what we’re so keenly longing for just when we want it. Sometimes it requires sacrifice so profound that before, we thought it wouldn’t be possible. We are not a patient people, are we? We are not a sacrificing people at all. We must lean on Christ our strength. I find that I am continually drawing… it is well that that well never runs dry- that his people do not come to him, & find we must leave again lacking.

Wait, my daughter

“Take heed, and be quiet; fear not, neither be fainthearted.- Be still, and know that I am God.- did I not say to you that if you believed you should see the kingdom of God?- … Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him…” (this is a compilation of scriptures taken from Daily Light. This is part of the November 4th)

~Ellie

(for those who do not already know this, adoption has a tendency to go ways you didn’t expect it to go)

adoption, adoption, adoption… December 4, 2008

Don’t you ever think about anything else, Ellen???

The answer is; right about now, no. Not really. There was a small lapse of time, a few months after Josiah came home when there was room for other things up there, but it has come back with reinforcements this time. So don’t expect much more on here anytime soon . I was even toying with the idea of changing my tagline (“Ellens blog” is so unoriginal) into something to do with the subject, what do you think? However, I DONT have a post written for today, so just enjoy this picture & hopefully I’ll be back soon!

This picture is old, as a quick glance at the book being read tells me. Pig & Pancake has suffered much love since this time (about 3 or 4 months ago), and is not so nice looking now. BUT prepare to be impressed: Mercy & I can repeat that book backward from memory. Yeah. She likes it.

Well, G’night!

November 27, 2008

Here we are- the end of another great holiday. I had a long post planned out & DID not expect to post tonight. But here I am- I have TIME for the post, but as it turns out I just don’t have the energy to write it. As we all end a day spent with family & friends, we must remember those who are just a little bit alone this year. I am NOT a fan of Third Day: to me, it’s ‘Jacob’s music”- however, this song is the exception. It was written by one of the band members when Christmas rolled around again & they still didn’t have a travel date to pick up their child (in China). We need to remember the families who have children ’somewhere else’ & were just not able to fly in time for the holidays- wether those families have a picture & a name of their child already, or maybe their child(ren) are just a dream in the hearts that they know will be coming (and maybe no one else knows yet). No matter where ‘they’ are in the process, it hurts when you have family-type gatherings & you know that there are child(ren) who are yours & they’re somewhere else, not with you, maybe crying, maybe laughing but you’re not there- you’re missing that. This time last year, Josiah was growing in his birthmom’s tummy and the dream of him was 5 days old (on the twenty-seventh) in our hearts. I know this has turned into a crazy rambling post which probably isn’t going anywhere, but I guess what I basically wanted to say is; everybody out there (you know who you are) who are wondering how long it will be until the child your heart has grown to love will be with you- one thing I learn through Josiah adoption is that it never goes fast enough. But I also learned that even if you don’t see it, God has a purpose in everything He does, and His will can never change. If God has a child for you, He will bring them to you in His perfect timing.

There is so much more I meant to post & I don’t think that turned out making much sense ^ I guess what I’m trying to say is, hold on to Him. ‘He knows the plans He has for you, plans of good & not of evil, to give you a future & a hope.’ He who promised is faithful to fulfill His promise.

It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home
Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

So. Here I am. November 17, 2008

*Sigh* So. Here I am. Right now there is a chair in the middle of the hallway leading to the back of the house- there is a piece of paper ripped from a notebook taped to it with the words ‘The babies are goning to sleep… “you shall not pass”‘… or something. Humm… that’s never happened before. So here I am, wishing for the convience of the laptop which I know is only a few steps away in my bedroom- but my bedroom is in the back of the house: off limits. So I am writing with someone else’s pen in a wide-ruled spiral bound notebook: only one of several which float around our home- sometimes downstairs, sometimes upstairs, sometimes in the van- full of old half finished grocery lists, “may I have a…” in Sarah or Ben’s hand (legible) and the reply in Momma’s handwriting (round), and other doodling from random people. Now a page with quotes from favuorite songs, movies or books (Emma’s), now a page full of hearts and the words ANNIE ANNA ANNE and the brand-new HALLEL over and over because they are the only words Annie can really spell yet, now a page where somebody took an order which only they can understand. I am sitting on the couch in the living room, which is the one I recovered but haven’t quite finished yet, a coordination sheet spread slopily over the seat to try fruitlessly to hide the fact that I haven’t recovered the cusions yet.

Welcome to my life, the life of a not quite 17-year old girl in a family of 13.

So many people wonder how I could possibly love my life. So many people just *know* that I go all my days secretly wishing I had been born to a different family, living with a hidden longing to be able to live my youth as wild and irresponsibly as “everyone else” my age gets to. But I don’t. With all my heart I can say that I do not. I can’t imagine how anyone on earth could be happier than I am right now.

So. Here I am. It’s the end of another day. The babies are are peacefully tucked in their beds- Josiah, I think, asleep, but Momma’s attempts to get Mercy setled down have so far been with very mixed sucess- she is lying in bed without getting up now I think, but she is not asleep. So probably the chair in the hall is still there & my room is still off limits. This is such a peaceful home. I look around. I am sitting in the upstairs living room. When I look from my wide-ruled spiral bound notebook the first thing I see is a vase of pink roses- the bushes in our front yard are so pretty this time of year. Beside the roses are Rutherfords Letters & Momma’s Bible- probably from when she siezed a quiet moment to sit & read earlier this afternoon. She really is a lovely lady.

So. Here I am. Unmeasurably blessed. I have been given the best family in the world, a happy home, and a Saviour who loves me.

Sometimes, I think it’s just awesome.

~Ellie

ok, when I write late at night I am so sentimental.

So What Do You Do On Fridays? March 7, 2008

With us, what we do is never the same week to week. Of course, some things never change- Ben twirls around the house in the afternoon rejoicing that the school week is over,  Hannah & Sarah talk of their ‘morning to sleep in’ tomorrow (so what is every other day around here?), the boys watch a movie… This post doesn’t really have much of a point, but for those of you reading who might live far away (grandparents), I thought you might like to know what we did today.

After school, we did chores & stuff. Tonight we had visitors, so there was also some time spent finding the extra chairs & etc. The real highlight of the day (besides having company, which is always delightful) was the snow/sleet. The younger children, in particular, had a WONDERFUL TIME!!! It wasn’t until after dark that the snow started actually sticking, but that did not stop them: they were out there with their flashlights doing all those things people who don’t get snow much do on the rare occasions that some actually comes (we, the old boring people, were in the warm basement visiting with the F. family). They collected some snow & I made snowcream to eat… not the best ever, but still snowcream.

When it came time for the F.’s to leave, everyone followed them out & I don’t know how it happened, but somebody(it wasn’t me! Really, it wasn’t!) threw that first snowball and well… we had a little goodbye snowball fight. Mercy in particular LOVED this game. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed. She talked of it for the rest of the night (until she went to bed) & although we can’t really understand what she’s saying, the words “FUN” & “FUNNY” played a big part in it. I’m hoping the snow is still there in the morning so I can get some good pictures of her playing in it.

As for what everyone is doing right now: Ben, Hannah, Sarah, Annie, Mercy, Momma & Dad are all in bed, Emma is probably reading, Trey is hovering around waiting to use the computer after me, and Jake I think has some insane idea of getting on here AFTER Trey is done… it’s 11:48 P.M…

Well, I really need to go now. I have to sleep sometimes (or so they tell me).

I hope to have time & write out a good adoption update this weekend or maybe Monday. Thanks for sticking around (those who did) to read this whole thing…

Mercy… this was this afternoon before the ground got really covered…

Update February 26, 2008

Ok, I know I’m not really a very frequent “poster”. I have plenty to say- it floats around in my head- but I have not been able to just get it all ‘out of my hand’ (my left hand, Mr. Ron. I’m not ashamed of it). Some of it’s on my laptop, though, halfway written down, so check back soon (I can’t get online with that thing!).

Right now, here’s a quick update on the adoption-

Sometimes, it seems like we’re getting close to getting a baby… sometimes, it feels like that time will never arrive. Right now Momma is upstairs working on the “dear birth-mother letter”- this is the last this to do before sending in the application to LifeChoices. I asked Momma today when our final home-study visit is scheduled for and I thinkshe said Annice will be coming on Thursday. After that visit, she will be able to close out the home-study.

I’m searching through our photo’s for some good ones to put in the profile book. There are PLENTY of good pictures of Mercy, Dad & Ben. They’re just really photogenic. In all of the pic’s of Hannah or Annie they’re making poses & trying to look ‘dramatic’, Sarah Joy always has a ’smart-alec’ look, and as for everyone else we just don’t have that many pictures of them. So looks like we’ll have to take some pictures (we won’t have any problem with THAT.)

Please do continue to pray for our adoption.

~ellie