Where Are Your Eyes, Oh Ye Of Little Faith? July 24, 2009

In God’s amazing wisdom, after the initial burst with Personhood Mississippi, He allowed things to look uncertain for a period of time – He knows what will bring Him most glory. Now, when things are looking somewhat better, it seems  easier to believe He can “really do it”- but which way are we looking?

When we look horizontally, discouragement and encouragement switch and swap and rise and fall at a dizzying pace that will likely leave us feeling confused and anxious. When things look good, we often feel full of vigor and excitement. “Nothing,” we may say (if not in so many words) “could shake my faith.”- then things start to look less promising, and it is seen that it was never really faith at all- because faith does not alter and bend and sway with the ebbing and flowing of physical circumstances. God’s ability to do His will does not change with all the changes in appearances, and if our hope does, prehaps we should consider whether we need to shift our gaze.

When by God’s grace we look “vertically” – when we fix our gaze on God -  we see that He will accomplish His good pleasure. We can rest in the knowledge that He is in control, and whatever happens it will be for His glory and the good of His people. We can hope in the belief that He is all-wise, and He is not just standing back fretting about the way things are on earth: He is artfully weaving all things together for His glory and the good of His people. We can trust in the fact that he is all-powerful, and that when His Son died on the cross, the battle which we are fighting was won for His glory and for the good of His people. We can rest, hope and trust in our God. He willend abortion- whether He sees fit to do it through us or not. And that faith must be translated into action: if He will end abortion, why not now? Why not through us? Even if it is not His will to do it now, through us, yet He still commands us to action, whether it be petitioning or going to the mill or volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center or active prayer. And when we begin to see a glimpse of the greatness of our God, should our bones not burn with jealousy? and should we not cry “enough!”? – for His Name is at stake. As the spark in our hearts begins to ignite into a roaring – still ever growing – flame of love for Him, may that love be translated into action. Even when we are looking into the eyes of the countless host of our foes as we stand (apparently) alone in the battlefield, our trust that God will conquer must be no less than if our army were broader and deeper than the sea. Indeed, “…those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” In light of He Who is with us, those who are with them are as nothing.

Fath always believes that.

Come, let us fix our eyes on Him.

Gates December 12, 2008

There are so many gates between us and our adoption dreams. So many great, strong, relentless gates. Like great blundering fools, we keep trying to climb over all those gates— but we can’t. They’re great, tall gates & there is nothing to grip as we climb- we get a bit of the ways up, then slid back down lower (farther for our goal) than we even were before. We CAN’T get over even the first gate. So we think, humm, lets go underneath. We flatten ourselves like a pancake but we can’t get under; there is not a hairsbreadth between the bottom of the gate & the ground. Humm… willpower, will power will do it- but it won’t work, we are held back just like before. Finally we gather all together, we aim to test our combined strength against that of this first gate- there are, after all, twelve of us. We push and we heave until one by one we are exausted & lie panting on the ground, no more likely to overcome that gate than to drink all the water in the ocean. We begin to cry. Nothing will work. We were foolish. It can’t be done. No, no, we cannot do it.It is well for us, well for our adoption dreams, that we serve the God who holds the keys to every one of those gates. It is well that we can trust him to open those gates when— and if— he sees fit.

So that is where we were, must like we were in March when I wrote this:

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Lately, Mercy has been learning the meaning of the word “Wait”- and it’s high time. She used to tell you she wants something, and if you didn’t respond immediately she would repeat that she WANTS something. We knew we had to ‘nip this is in the bud’, but it wasn’t until a little later that we decided to teach her about “wait”. She started repeating a request 72 million times at a speed that would make a NASCAR driver dizzy until the required object is in her hand (example: Mercy is ready for bed and has an urge to have a goodnight drink of milk from her bottle. She cries out “Mo-Mo wan’ da’ ba-ba, wan’ da’ ba-ba, wan’ da’ ba-ba, PEEEEEASE, Mo-Mo wan’ da’ ba-ba, wan’ da’ ba-ba…”). It is mostly at these times that we say the new word- and usually she is quiet and patient for a few minutes after being told to wait. Of course, there are times when she needs more correction than one simple word (these times are most frequent at the grocery store, during Church or at some other dreadfully inconvenient place).

The theme of waiting has been very common around here- waiting for documents to come, waiting to hear back from the grant organisation, waiting for “The Call” which we don’t know when to expect…

So what do you do when you are told to “wait”? I find I am prone, like Mercy, to call out my request in a louder, more I’m-seriously-about-to-throw-a-huge-fit voice. I think “the only reason there could be that God has not answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to, when I wanted Him to is that He didn’t hear me, or, He didn’t think I was serious.” So I go into bratty two-year-old mode and I say “Do what I want, and do it RIGHT NOW“- but I find that it doesn’t work. It seems to work out way better to just be quiet- then, I can hear Him when He tells me:

May I wait, that it may be true of me “I waited patiently for the LORD, and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”"…For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Then shall you call on me, and you shall go and pray to me, and I will hearken to you. And you shall seek me, and find me, when you search for me with all your heart…”

It might be seventy years, but He will not forget us (even when it seems like He has).

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee on the palms of my hands, thy walks are continuously before me…”

“Sing, o heavens; and be joyful, o earth; and break forth into singing, o mountains; for the Lord has comforted His people, and will have mercy upon His afflicted.

But Zion said, ‘the LORD hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee on the palms of my hands, thy walks are continuously before me…”

May I wait, that it may be true of me “I waited patiently for the LORD, and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”

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And that is where we are right now. As of yet God has not closed what gates are open & right now we are just waiting, waiting for Him to unlock all those gates & set us free to run, run until we hold our little ones in our arms. It seems to me that he is saying, didn’t you hear my call? Did you not say you would follow? Will you not sacrifice to gain what I have planned for you?

Will we not sacrifice? Will I not sacrifice? When I said I would follow to where ever, what did I mean by that? What were my conditions? Where did I think “where ever you lead” ended?

All of this and more is surging through my heart. We can’t always have what we’re so keenly longing for just when we want it. Sometimes it requires sacrifice so profound that before, we thought it wouldn’t be possible. We are not a patient people, are we? We are not a sacrificing people at all. We must lean on Christ our strength. I find that I am continually drawing… it is well that that well never runs dry- that his people do not come to him, & find we must leave again lacking.

Wait, my daughter

“Take heed, and be quiet; fear not, neither be fainthearted.- Be still, and know that I am God.- did I not say to you that if you believed you should see the kingdom of God?- … Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him…” (this is a compilation of scriptures taken from Daily Light. This is part of the November 4th)

~Ellie

(for those who do not already know this, adoption has a tendency to go ways you didn’t expect it to go)

The Impossible In Adoption December 2, 2008

What are the chances?: While I was writing this- at the very same time- Momma was on the desktop writing a post on HER blog. What do you know- it’s called “The Glory Of The Impossible”. It’s really good, so I’m going to give her a link- http://blessedchaos.wordpress.com/2008/12/02/the-glory-of-the-impossible/. And now-

It tends to happen this way, doesn’t it? Life, I mean- not just in adoption, though that is the subject I am thinking of today. We wonder how it can ever happen, and then we feel a breeze, our hearts beat faster & we turn around to look- that’s when we see that it just DID happen, and we didn’t notice. We only keep our eyes half-open, and so when miracles occur, we don’t see them- then we pretend to be philisophical, and say to people in essence “sure God can do miracles. He’s just not so inclined to do them as He used to be.” Everywhere around us the impossible is done- but we just say “oh that. Think nothing of it, anyone could have pulled it off.” We chuckle inwardly, knowing that just anyone really couldn’t, it was only because we were strong enough to manage such a crazy-impossible task.

Things tend to get confused in our minds after they happen, our memories dullen and we remember them differently than they really were. Before Josiah came home, we shook our heads. “Not us,” we said “We couldn’t adopt.” We probably would have left it at that, if it were not for some friends who didn’t take that for an answer. As it turned out, though, we couldn’t adopt. We just were not the right kind of family; didn’t have the right kind of income; didn’t have the right kind of lifestyle. We couldn’t do it. But we serve a God who can, and did. We serve a God who took us to the right people at the right times, who gave us just what we needed it, exactly when we needed it- regardless of what we thought could happen, or what our timing was. Time & time again He took of out of the realm of possiblity into a places which are unreachable by human efforts. We didn’t always notice it, because those places didn’t seem quite so out of reach when we were there- but they were, they had been out of our reach until God put us there. Looking back, too, we tend to forget anything really miraclous about Josiah’s story. Just another out of a thousand like it- but it is not. Right now is one of those rare moments when I can look back & see that we are no more in a position to take the credit for how he came to us than we are to blush when someone speaks of the beauty of creation. It is as absurd to think that we made it happen as it would be to pretend we make the sun rise & set.

Even now as the early thoughts of another adoption come to our minds, doubts creep into our hearts. We try not to think about it too hard, because you know, we probably won’t be able to pull off another adoption. Now I’m not being naive, and I am well aware that it is not likely to happen just the same this time. I know that God’s plans might well be diffent than the ones we’re thinking of right now- but right now, a peace is on me that no matter what He has in store for our family, He always seems to have planned it better than we did. It’s good to know. We think that this time around, it will be impossibler. Too impossible for God. But it won’t be. It don’t want to give the impression that I believe if is doesn’t happen the way we are tending to think that it will mean it was somehow too much for Him- what I’m trying to say is, we thought the same thing about Josiah- and look! Impossible isn’t as impossible as it once seemed. It’s happening everywhere.

P.S.- Keep your eyes open- you may be about to see the impossible happen here… you never know.

On Adoption pt 4 October 23, 2008

this is my attempt at telling Josiah’s story… in a sketchy, not very thought out sort of way. Maybe later I’ll try again.

Josiah’s Story

For years and years, my family liked the thought of adoption more than we liked the idea of actually doing it. Before Mercy was born, we came very close to adopting but we didn’t. We didn’t. I think that happens to alot of people…

About a year ago Momma went through & cleaned out all the old baby stuff. She said it made her a little sad but she was also excited about the ‘next chapter’ (we always find ourselves thinking in terms of books around here). After that, we didn’t have ANYTHING left. We assumed Mercy would be the youngest & so we wouldn’t need any of that stuff anymore… Then God spoke to Momma & Dad’s (and all of our) hearts, ‘begining’ with Isaac (the son of a family we know). Shortly after the Mathenia’s brought this wonderful boy home we had their family over to supper, and that was one of the last times we had Mrs. Amber over to our house. It is so strange to think how God used that one Sunday afternoon to change our lives for ever & ever. It is strange to wonder, if we had not had them over, wether we ever would have adopted at all? You never know when God is using you. Make the most of every opportunity. God used Mr. Anthony & Mrs. Amber (and sweet Ellie & Isaac) in an amazing way that day to change our family’s veiw on Adoption- and I didn’t have to wait until Monday when Momma called Life Choices for the first time (‘just for some imformation’) to see what was happening in Momma & Dad’s heads.

We did not find out what people meant when they talked about waiting at first. We recieved our initial paperwork from Life Choices & Momma & Dad started working on filling it out- there is ALOT they want you to do! And we began our homestudy- our first visit was the 17th of January. We had to have all sorts of medical things (tests, exams, be sure no one has TB, so on and so on), Momma & Dad had to write seperate bio’s and fill out about 75 million pages of paper work, and on, and on.

Some opposition came & stung our hearts, but it could not undo what God had done in us. Our enthusiasium could not be quenched. During the first few months, Mrs. Amber always had words us encouragement… but after God took her home, it suddenly felt like all of our support was ripped away. It felt like we were alone, like no one was left who ‘approved’ of us adopting a child. When we realised what we had lost in Mrs. Amber, we almost let ourselves believe that no one else in the world cared in a positive way about adoption. It hurt, and (I can only speak for what my heart felt) honestly if it were not for God, who came & filled that hole, I do not know if Josiah would ever have come. I wrote in Josiah’s book (which I kept for him throughout his adoption) after Mrs. Amber died: “In my human mind, this was not supposed to happen. Mrs. Amber was suppsed to appear in these pages, her smile was supposed to encourage us on our adoption journey. … She was supposed to someday hold our baby like we held Isaac [when he first came]. … Help me to trust You, God! … ” and later: “[we are] feeling a bit alone right now… God gave us one person who [we knew] was truly supportive, who never failed to ask what was going on, who answered questions and she seemed like the person who really even cared … and then took her back away from us… I will never forget the emcouragement we recieved from [them] those first few months. … I guess we should not expect everyone to want to talk about our adoption [all the time], but still… it seems as though we don’t have anyones support… but I know it’s not that way… …” Then I talked about some specific ways how God seemed to send encouragement- begining with a specific thing that happened the Sunday night following Mrs. Amber’s going Home. We foud that God would not have us relying on Mrs. Amber’s support. We were to trust Him fully. He was our support, as we found when we leaned on Him. Mrs. Amber was not the center of our adoption story. God was, and we were made to remember it again.

Meanwhile, we were continuing to head toward a new child slowly but surely. Slowly, because we could only move forward as the funds were provided- but surely, because God always provided.

It was the beginning of March when ‘the’ call first came. We did not have a completed homestudy & had not yet submitted out Adoption application to Life Choices when we first recieved a call about a baby girl, who they asked us to pray about. She had several health risks (her birthfamily had a history of mental illnesses) and they wanted to know if Momma & Dad would consider her. We knew that we didn’t even have the money yet to finish our homestudy & we sure didn’t have the placement fee, but after some prayer Momma called J and told her we would be 100% willing to be a potential ‘Baby Girl #1′ family if we could somehow make it work- somehow raise the money in time. That was when Momma asked J when the baby was due, and found out it was March 3- the day before. It was so hard to hear that & to think that there was such a slim chance of us ever being a potiential family for this baby who we firmly believed would be perfectly wonderful no matter what. Momma & Dad had to tell J that we were not ready. The rest of the month of March slipped by. We were working on raising funds & continuing slowly to move forward inch by inch- including finishing our homestudy.

It was April 1st when I wrote in Josiah’s book: “we find that there was a mix-up, and Baby Girl #1 is not due until May 3, which means we could still be a potential family for her…” This news was so energizing. We went ahead & bought a carseat in order to be ready just in case. We sent in the application & got ‘officially’ approved. We kept working on fundraising. It is a long story (which I won’t to go into), but we knew that if we could just get one more document, we could file ammended tax returns & get back more than enough to pay the placement fee. Momma kept trying to push that through faster. We had thought before that the baby would be a boy but suddenly everyone had a ‘gut feeling’ that it was a girl. A few entrys later in Josiah’s book “We got [the document] today!!! … Yes! we are now a Baby Girl #1 potetial family!…” Birthmom was sceduled to have the baby on the 29th. I remember how long it seemed to take for that day to arrive. Sometime during those weeks was when I first fell in love with this baby. Strange how that could happen when ’she’ was not even born yet. Finally the day arrived. I am sure it must have been rather comical, all of us sitting around all day staring at the phone. Of course the baby was born safely, and as I suspect you have all guessed it was not Baby Girl at all- it was Josiah. Not that weknew that at the time- we did not even find out he was a boy until two days after. So- now that I look back at the dates, it was only May 7th when Josiah’s birthmom first looked and the profiles, but you must understand- to us, those 8 days could not possibly be longer. J and birthmom’s counselor dropped the profile books- ours & another- by birthmom’s house at 9:00 on the 7, but it was not until the 14th that we found out who would be Josiah’s family. If we thought the first week after Josiah’s birth was long, this was way longer. We had kept a copy of our profile book here, and that book got looked at more times that one week than all the rest of its life put together- I guess we just wanted to remind ourselves what she was lookig at.

While we could not have been more excited about the possibility of having the priviledge of becoming the family of this sweet boy, our hearts hurt for birthmom. We could only imagine the deep pain she & her young children were going through during those weeks. We had heard some about her from J and were so touched by what a sweet woman she seemed to be, and how much she loved this little baby who (we did not know yet) would soon become ours.

At 2:29 on the 14 of May I wrote in Josiah’s book- in very bad hand which I can barely make out now-: “Mommas on the phone in her room w/ J right now and I think- I dont want to say what I think- Oh! Thank you so much God! What a kind father you are!…” You see, I had heard Momma’s end when she answered the phone (naughty Ellen to evesdrop so!) and I had heard her say “What?…” “No, tell me…” “Tell Me!!!…” “[undescribable gasp/sucking in of air sound]” “oh my gosh you’re joking!”, which Momma says is not what she would have planned to say. As soon as Momma got off the phone she called Daddy at work & then there was a shocked moment of wondering who to call now. Momma said what I was thinking – that there was that unspoken plan to call Mrs. Amber- and we couldn’t. That was a very hard moment. Finally Momma started dialing & it took off from there. We got an email from Josiah’s foster mom with our first pictures of him. This is the first of him we saw:

this is the first pic we saw of him

 

 

After that came a very long month of ups & downs & terrible longing for Josiah to come home.That was by far the hardest part- the waiting, the knowing that Josiah was growing every day living with another family, the emptiness, the longing to have him- the knowledge that sometimes he cried, and we could not comfort him.

Then came June 9th. This is what I wrote in his book: “[June 10th, 2008] The ups & downs of these last days have been a little bit much for me to write about- and so I have not been here in a time.

Things often don’t seem to go the way we planned them. In our plans, Josiah would have been with us a month or so ago when we wanted him so keenly. I still wonder, why? Why did God not bring him then? But I know, and am persuaded, that Gods perfect plan was for Josiah & us to be apart for that time… I know that patience worketh godliness… and I know that now, when prince Josiah is here with us, it doesn’t matter anymore. Yestreday was placement…”

I told about placement, but I’ll spare all the details here. Josiah coming home was not the end of his story, but it is all I can tell now. It was several more months of ups & downs & wondering (as I mentioned in part 2) if they did re-pos before the money finally came & we paid the ‘placement’ fee. Now there are the legal fees for the finalization in Dec. & his adoption will be something in the past. We are already wondering where the money to pay for that will come from. Haven’t we learned yet that God always provides? I cannot thank everyone enough: our friends who rallied around us, supported us, and helped bring Josiah home. You were some of Gods hands & feet in Josiahs story, the Mathenia family who God used in such a real & visible way to bring Josiah to us, and our great and Kind Father, who is so kind to His children- He is the one who provided everything we needed. He is the one who holds us up in the hard times & brings us to rivers of Joy. He is the one who blessed us beyond measure by putting this wonderful boy in our arms.

More Recently

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Josiah is absolutely the sweetest baby on earth. I could never imagine living a better life here than the life God has blessed me to have. I cannot imagine any child more perfect for our family than Josiah. It makes me sad to think about all the people who miss out on so many wonderful children because they are ‘afraid of what it will do to their family’. When did a blessing become something to be afraid of? When did children become something to avoid? When did this happen?

Every day of our lives, Josiah adds that much extra Joy- and as Dr. Voddie Baucham said once referring to his (adopted) children “actually, there is this bonus BECAUSE they are adopted, because they joined our family the way we became a part of God’s family…”*** As I read back over what I have written, I realise that there is so much more that I forgot to put in- so many parts of Josiahs story that I forgot to put in. Maybe someday I will rewrite it, but for now this will have to do.

***I do not remember the exact quote & can’t look it up ’cause the DVD is at the Brandons. This is a paraphrase & I’m sure Dr. Baucham said it much better***

 

On Adoption pt. 2 October 16, 2008

What about the MONEY?

Most of you know that I’m not really in the habit of getting into the controversial subjects on my blog. I hope that everyone is ready for a change, because part three is coming too- but you can also be relieved that the ‘worst’ is passed & don’t be afraid to keep reading

How much of the Bible is true? How much of it is really the Word of God?

We seem to have a wall of shelves. Every Christian goes through God’s Word and sorts it out in order of what they personally think is more important (top shelf) down to least important (bottom). But that is not how it is supposed to be. That’s not what we’re supposed to do.

If all of the Bible is true, if every word in it came from God, what do we do with verses like “Care for the widows & orphans in there distress”? ‘Wha- uh- no- uh- you see, that’s for some people, but it’s not for me.’ Suddenly, God’s word means different things for differents people. Suddenly, it’s true for me but it’s not true for you. Suddenly, God is re-made in the image of man who changes.

Now the point of this post is to talk about the cost of adoption, and as you can see I have already strayed dreadfully from the topic. I feel like something needs to be said, but I don’t really have much to say. This may be a short post.

The cost- I’m talking about the money- really does sometimes seem impossible to reach. But does God command us to do more than is possible for us to do? Most certainly- with man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Not adopting because you don’t think you ever could is not an acceptable excuse.

Have any of you ever heard of Steven Curtis Chapman? If you’re reading this blog, you probably have. What about Shohannahs Hope? Heard of it? It’s an organisation where they give grants to families who want to adopt but don’t have sufficient income. There are so many organisations like that out there. That is a very real option for raising money- also, think about how much money you spend in a year on things you don’t really need. Ask yourself ‘What do I need?’ ‘What can I sacrifice?’ People who are not at all rich can adopt:

 

See?

God is faithful to provide.

I know that wondering where the money will come from is a very real concern that holds people back from adopting a child. The belief that adoption is impossible because of the funds is a very real belief. If you act on God’s command anyway, trusting Him to provide, do you really think He is unable to take care of it? God did not tell us to do His commands only if we think we can- He told us trust Him with it.

There were times during Josiah’s adoption when we faltered. There were actual real times when we were forced to wonder wether Life Choices did re-po’s. We don’t have to wonder that anymore, because God gave us what was needed just when it was needed. We were almost not even a potential family for Josiah because we couldn’t finish our homestudy until we had the money to pay for it. Then one day out of the blue the amount we needed came in the form of a check from some friends who wanted to help with our adoption. God knew just when we needed that check to come, and He was faithful to bring it on time.

The God who laid the orphan on your heart is faithful to supply everything needed. Give it to Him. Watch Him bless you.

Amber Mathenia 2 January 26, 2008

I am so thankful right now that tomorrow is Sunday- a much needed day of rest. I feel entirely worn out, emotionally & physically. I can only imagine how Mr. Anthony must feel right now… as well as Mrs. Amber’s sister, April; her mom, Laura; and her dad, Mitch. Please, please pray for these people!

I had meant to post these few songs several days ago, but have not really had time yet:

Amber Mathenia’s Favourite

(or, one of them)

Here is love, vast as the ocean,

Loving-kindness as the flood,

When the Prince of life, our ransom,

Shed for us His precious blood.

Who His love will not remember?

Who can cease to sing His praise?

He can never be forgotten

Throughout Heaven’s eternal days.

On the Mount of Crucifixion

Fountains opened deep and wide;

Through the floodgates of God’s mercy

Flowed a vast and gracious tide.

Grace and love, like mighty rivers,

Poured incessant from above,

And heaven’s peace, and perfect justice

Kissed a guilty world in Love.

-William Rees

One of the ladies at our Wednesday night ladies prayer meeting mentioned this song while praying for Mr. Anthony in particular…

“Hold Me Jesus”

Sometimes my life just don’t make sense at all

When the mountains look so big

And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus ’cause I’m shaking like a leaf

You have been King of my glory

Won’t You be my Prince of Peace?

-Rich Mullins

It is so hard sometimes to have faith enough, to have faith that our God is faithful, although my life proves that He most certainly is faithful… He will not leave us, nor forsake us. He is faithful, I know He is, but it at times becomes so hard to remember. Yet now, even wile it is so hard to remember it is also quite easy at the same time, because Christ is with me even now, I know that He is will me. I am not sure the exact quote, but Rutherford said something, something like ”whether Christ comes bearing a rod or a crown, if He come Himself with it, it is well”.

It is my prayer that many will come to Christ, and that those who know Him already may come to a deeper understanding of Him even in the midst of this difficult time.  

How full of Joy must Mrs. Amber’s face be right now! The hardships that once saddened her are gone, and the sins that we struggle with still are a thing of the past for her. Now, she is with God, now, she is surrounded by all of the saints who have gone before us: Paul the Apostle, Amy Carmichael, Samuel Rutherford, John the Baptist, Moses, Noah- and there, there face to face with her is our Christ! I cannot begin to imagine what is must be like, what it looks like and what it feels like, to be free from sin and everything that comes with it. But she knows. She is there, right now.

There will come a time in all of our lives when all of the work which Christ had for us here will be finished, and He will take us to be with Him. There will come a time also when that point will come in the life of someone we love. I do not know about everyone else, but for me, this is long before my human time for Mrs. Amber to leave. To us, who do not know God’s eternal plan, it seem so early for her to leave us: we were not ready for her to go. Yet Christ saw fit to take her to Himself. It hurts, but all mixed with the hurt is a Joy which I cannot begin to express, the Joy of knowing that this is not the end at all, and there really never actually is an end.

“There is nothing but perfect garden-flowers in Heaven, and the best plenishing that is there is Christ” -Samuel Rutherford 

O Christ, He is the fountain,

The deep, sweet well of love;

The streams of earth I’ve tasted,

More deep I’ll drink above;

There, to an ocean fullness,

His mercy doth expand,

And glory, glory dwelleth

In Immanuel’s land.

-Anne Ross Cousin

Amber Mathenia January 24, 2008

On Tuesday, January 22, our dear friend Amber Mathenia entered into her rest.

When the news reached me of the car accident on Tuesday night, it really did not sink in: No. I thought not really. It can’t be, really! But it is really. 

I am thankful that Christ spared for Mr. Anthony thier two children, Isaac & Ellie. Although they were in the jeep when it happened (the jeep rolled several times) & thier mother was killed instantly, Ellie & Isaac were unharmed. Oh, how I thank God for this! 

How glad Mrs. Amber must be right now! To be face to face with the God she sought after, to be singing his praise in the company of to heavenly host. The words of a poem by Amy Carmichael come into my mind “oh how fair Thy house must be, with all the flowers we’ve lent to Thee!”

My heart goes out to her family, to all of her loved ones who are left to trudge on a little while longer without her. Please join me in praying for them in this difficult time.

I remember what a testimony her life has been to the goodness of Christ, what a testimony she has left behind that is even now, I trust, touching the hearts of many. I remember her smile, and how often she used it.  I thank God for the instemental way He used her in our family: He used her to change our familly, forever & ever, by encouraging us to persue adoption.

We were in the middle of making matching outfits together for Ellie & Isaac. She made Isaac’s herself, but she never got to finish it! Momma & I have finished both Isaac & Ellie’s for her, and in an odd way it has given me great comfort to be able to do that. I am so saddened that Mrs. Amber never got to see them wear them, but I also am very happy for her now…

Prehaps I will return tomorrow… there is so much more to be said, so much more that I had hoped to say, but I cannot sort out my thoughts enough to say them.

To learn more about the Mathenia family, click here. Also, visit the November archives of Carolina Hope. 

This and That January 22, 2008

Since I haven’t posted in around a week, I figured it was about time. We haven’t actually been exactly busier than usual lately, but that doesn’t mean we have not been busy. Plus, Mer has been cutting FIVE teeth this week, and so everything that comes with a toddler cutting a tooth is amplified five times over (only two left to pop through, thank goodness!). Tuesday was Momma & Dad’s “orientation meeting” with Life Choices (our adoption agency). They did it over the phone, so I’m not really sure exactly what they talked about, but they sure talked (over two hours). Momma was very pleased & said she was able to ask all of the questions she had wanted to ask. Tuesday was also Ben’s 11th birthday, BTW.

Thursday was our first homestudy visit, and we got to meet our WONDERFUL (so far) social worker, Annice. She was nothing like I would have imagined if I had given myself the chance. I think I might have imagined her a skinny old woman with her hair in a tight bun, condescending to say hello and nod but not to shake hands. She set us at ease right away, talking away and trying desperately to remember all the names and faces presented to her. She looked over the house, but made it very clear the she held a good family life higher than the size of the house. Not that we were too concerned on that subject: we have a good-sized house, and plenty of space indoors & outdoors. I must say that the visit was far more ’fun’ than I would have thought. Everyone says it is like making a new friend, and I now understand what it meant by that. She told me that in future visits she might want to ask us older kids some questions. To tell the truth, if she had said it before I met her the idea would have been so intimidating, but she is easy to talk to and just plain nice! She works for the health department, so she is working on getting us in for our TB test and all our testing for our health forums soon. Momma finished her bio and I typed it out for her yesterday, and Dad finished his awhile back. The paperwork for New Beginnings (they’re doing our homestudy) is just about finished, and we are thankful to God that everything really seems to be coming together. Actually, it is coming together to fast that it just about seems like a whirl.

I have really been praying lately for so many people, and struggling with how so many people have responded to our decision to adopt a child simply because of the whole B-L-A-C-K thing. I am very glad that I know already that I will be able to love our Baby quite as much as I would if he/she were a very white baby with very blue eyes who was born into our family. I know this because of Isaac, mostly. There is nothing there, his skin colour does not change the fact that he is an adorable little boy, it doesn’t change the way he can crawl into a persons heart and make them love him. It sometimes hurts, because although some of these people who are responding so negatively are not so close to me, some of them I love very much. Some of them, it hurts very much. I pray the God would work this out to be to His own glory in the end. I pray that, as a friend of ours suggested, this will be a chance for our friends to learn and grow. I keep hoping and praying that (if not before) when we get our Baby, and he/she is a very, extremely real little person, so many of these theories will be blown away.

Well, in other news, the “grand opening” for the antique mall where our booth is located will be Feb. 2, so tomorrow Momma and I are going up there to “make a plan” as Momma said. I’m really going to have to get some work done before then, I have so little up there right now. I need to make stuff! And we got the very fist order off our website tonight! Finally! Of late, our web site statistics show that we have had an increase of visits by about two thirds, and the average visit length has gone up 2 minutes, and still climbing. Every week when I check our average visits per day, it has gone up two-three visits (this is a GOOD thing).

This week is the RV show in Tupelo, so dad and I guess Trey will be up there working, probably access hours some days. I hope that it is a success, and some of that success comes Daddy’s way (all the more to help with the Adoption). I was supposed to g up there tomorrow, but for once in my life I do not at all want to go. I have plenty of work to do here, and it is so warm and cozy here at home. I think I will send Jacob instead if it is allowed.

Well, I know these blog posts are supposed to be short and to the point so I guess I’ll go ahead and shut my mouth, although I have plenty more I hoped to say. I reckon I’ll just save that for next time.