Okay… I have alot of experiance with this one, but not the time to really think out a post. Another short?
Most people who are adopting/ have adopted outside of their race are eventually going to run into someone who disagrees. Even if you are adoptiong a child who looks very much like you, you’re likely to meet disapproval somewhere. It might be someone who you couldn’t care less wether they approved or it could be someone who is very important to you. We had plenty of both to go around when people found out about Josiah. It was/is both very important people in our lives & somewhat minor and irrelevant people- it was both people who rejected/reject the idea/baby because of race & people who didn’t/don’t like adoption at all & people who simply thought/think we have too many children- as well as people who just didn’t understand. It was people who were very vocal and forceful about their disapproval & people who left us to figure it out & people who politely stated their concerns. We’ve been through it all- we even got used to it after awhile- but that didn’t make it ay easier- that didn’t make it hurt any less.
Racism is a terrible thing. It hurts so badly. It hurts to say goodbye — or never get the chance to say goodbye — to loved ones because of it. It hurts to know that while I live every day being incredibly blessed by children like Josiah & Ellie & Isaac & Phoebe & Isaiah who add so much Joy to my life, there are people who I love who make the chioce on a regular basis to refuse such blessings. Josiah is such a happy baby with a juicy smile which he bestows on anyone whenever he gets the chance. It hurts that there are people who will never know that smile or the wonderful boy who it comes from. It hurts.
It is so hard when it seems like everyone is against your adoption & no one is for it. I have actually already started on part 4 and touch on this there as well, how God is on our side- and His approval way out-weighs everyone elses disapproval. I know, I understand that saying that does not make it any easier when you are in the middle of it. I know that you can know it in your head but it is much harder to really believe it when you feel overwelmed by the waves of opposition that seem to be coming & flooding your heart from all sides. It hurts so much. I know. When we follow God even when it seems crazy, people are bound to raise their eyebrows at it- and they do. But we are not to look for approval from those around us, and what people think of us is not who we are. We are the children of God, who adopted us, and what we should really be concerned about is whether He wants us doing it. If that is true, and we know it is true, then why does it still hurt so much? Ah-ha, the catch- love. When you love someone, you really, really want them to love you too- and even if you know that is does not matter, it usually does matter to you what they think. And it hurts. It cuts your heart. Sometimes it takes something like this to find out what that relationship really was. If it was real, if you really were bound together in Christian love, than it is probably going to take more than the bitter seeds of racism (or whatever) to kill that. We discovered that to be true in most cases, but I must also say that it is very, very few relationships that came out of this the same. Mrs. Amber said that it seemed to her like an opportunity for some friends/relations to grow, and it was- but very few did grow. Many, many relationships are not at all the same, and unless God works in these peoples hearts, never will be. There are people who were once a part of our lives & no longer are. And we love those people- that is what really hurts. That is why it stings- if there were no love, there would be no stinger in the wound- but there was love. When the opposition (which in some cases was expected & in some was foolishly unexpected) first came up, we went to God and cried “look God! are we really supposed to be doing this? They say we’re not!” and He told us “are you doing this for them? and, do you love them more than you love Me?” and He helped us. He helped us through the fire. He said “If I am for you, who can be against you?” He carried us.
God did not call us to live a comfortable life. He did not call us to do whatever was easiest. He called us to follow. Feel free to comment/ email if you are in the middle of this ‘hard part’ of adoption & need encouragement- or you might be better to contact Momma.
One more thing- I know if you are in the midst of it this is hard to remember (very hard), but after it’s all said & done;
this really is all worth it.